incertitude

 Im not really attracted to guys at school and sometimes I think that I would die without a lover by my side. My  school seems to be the oddest place for hopeful/less romantic. No pretty face had attracted me not even a kindest attitude did. And now I wonder how come people catch a good fish while I catch nothing but a good trash?

When Im at school I used to look around me, look behind me, look infront of me, look to everywhere, my peripheral vision brings me. I always see imperfection, never knew why I longed for it when I know, I, myself is not even made by a perfect hands. There are lots of guys in there but I guess Im looking for a certain type of guy I cannot find right now it seems like he need to embodies some unusual attributes that would make me instantly fall for him.

But there is this guy whom we(my friends) used to call by his surname when we're in the state of happiness, the exact reason of getting his attention is not really clear but I can say its for fun. Actually when I like a guy or when he catches my attention I tend to keep it myself and Im very cool when he's around, but when I look I always look them in the eyes, stare at him like he's an ordinary man enough to be dissected with a short stare but days have passed when I developed this kind of feeling which is very unexplainable I felt bad and sad by seeing his relationship status on facebook dont even know why I feel that way when we dont even talk, or greet each other we just look at each other and tends to look at others afterward like we're a total stangers when I know we're not. He even added me to facebook. Im confused with my feelings seems like I have something deep for this guy but I cannot figure it out coz I havent been inlove to anybody and the feeling is really new to me.